Rating: PG-13 for sexual references, language and some violence
Word Count: 10168
Genre: parody, fandom mock
Characters: Madeleine Yaxley (OC), Maggie Lewis (OC), Marvola Arwen Raevyn Yvette Salazara Umekiko Elfynchyld (OC), Sorting Hat, Remus, Sirius, James, Peter, Lily, Louisa (OC), Hagrid, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Special Agent Sam "Boggart" Humphries (OC)
Pairing(s): Remus/Maggie, Remus/Marvola, Peter/Madeleine, James/Lily
Synopsis: A new girl arrives at Hogwarts. She's perfect. She's beautiful. She has curves in all the right places. Everyone loves her. Everyone except Madeleine and Maggie, that is. With many amusing and enlightening footnotes on "how not to write fanfic".
Timeline: April to September of 1974
Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I own nothing. Please don't sue me. Some of Agent Humphries' dialogue comes from the film The Maltese Falcon.
Author's Notes: I would like to thank eskimosatan for allowing me to use the concept of the D.T.U.C. in my story. This story is dedicated to the hilarity that is babb_chronicles, where I learned everything I know about badfic. Feedback is my drug of choice. Please report any errors or inconsistencies.